I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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