On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
