Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
