I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
