I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
People in love make me want to vomit
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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