I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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