this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
