I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
