So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
