i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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