I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize