Already got asked if we're dating
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
