I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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