Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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