We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
