I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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