I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
