Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
