quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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