I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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