i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
