I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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