I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
