you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
