We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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