Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
