I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
