Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
