i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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