Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
