i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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