they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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