Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
COCAINE IS GR8
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
