Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
