i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize