I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
