Your mouth is God's brothel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I will pee on everything he values.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
