when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
