I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize