Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
BRING THE BAGELS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
