White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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