you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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