Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
