where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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