Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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