things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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