Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
