Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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