I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
