I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
