Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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