I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
