So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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