I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
