i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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