is your mom at the bar?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
