Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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