I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night