youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
