I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
