they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.