Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out