Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
