Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
