GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
