I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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