no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
