After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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