Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
