just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
