My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
