Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
