It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
