I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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