Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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