What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
