morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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