why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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