my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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