We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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